Guns and Where to Get ‘Em

I was watching the ID channel this morning w/my brother Bill and given where we were, we decided that there’s no obvious places whereby we can exercise our 2nd amendment rights and blow stuff to smithereens.  While not particularly interested in forming a militia, I DO insist upon being able to purchase weapons, for personal gratification issues of course.

He had no idea where to purchase a firearm while my best guess was a place a mile down the road called “Gun Store”.  As succinct and to the point as this name is, I feel something a little jazzier might boost interest and sales. Here’s some ideas…

“Wally’s House of AK-47’s- Where We Never Say ‘NYET!'”

“Machine Gun Alley- You’re Always the Kingpin Here”

For the more passionate collector how ’bout “Luger Lovers!”?

“At Grenade Launcher Larry’s, We Just Explode W/Values!” (free mortars w/every purchase!)

“Pistolero Pete’s-Our Savings Will Blow Your Brains Out!”

For anyone in my area who doesn’t mind the possibility of accidentally discharging their weapon resulting in a shot thru the wall, possibly maiming a neighbor or blowing a hole in their own foot, there’s some real possibilities here.

Jimmy

Politics-It’s All Sunshine & Rainbows!

I prefer to write about happy stuff like rock ‘n roll music, comedy and cute videos of Koala bears.  No more dammit! I will now tackle heftier topics in the hope that I can obtain more readers by intentionally sliming myself with idiotic, ill-informed opinions just like you get from CNN, CNBC and Fox News.  As long as yer hair is combed right and yer reasonably attractive and you are capable of reading off a teleprompter, yer gonna sound not only intelligent but well informed!

Here’s the rules as I see ’em…

Don’t ever admit defeat, even if you just got clobbered in the last election.  As a matter of fact, accuse the opposing party of nailing Jesus to the cross if you think you can get away with it.

Take advantage of being the winner.  It seems to rile the opposing party when you look like you don’t give a s%#t what they think.  A presidential golf outing is traditionally the popular option here.

Deny, deny, deny- These are the famous words from Bill Clinton and to his credit almost worked.  This strikes me as such a simple yet devious underhanded approach that I’m surprised I didn’t think of it myself.  The great ones stand alone I guess.

Hold a rally- Here’s a no-lose situation if I’ve ever seen one. Supporters come out in droves and opposition supporters look like a collection of unruly hooligans when they show up.

Speak to the common man- Here’s where Hillary screwed up.  She didn’t exactly rev-up the folks in rural areas to put it mildly. Allow me to paraphrase if I got her message correct here…

You racist, coal-mining sons of bitches are about to be out of a job as soon as I get elected and there’s nothing you can f&*%ing do about it!

Well spoken! Say Hillary, while yer trying to destroy these people’s visions of what there tradition is, has been, and will be in the future I hear that there’s also a newborn, right-leaning panda in the Washington Zoo that needs assassinating. Ha, ha! Did I say “assassinating”?  What I meant to say was “strategic removal!” (Very wise. This’ll also cut down on our bamboo imports.)

(Hangonna sec, I almost applied toothpaste to my aching calf muscle.  Luckily I reached the Ben-Gay in time. (Glad it wasn’t the other way around! For any Berke Breathed fans out there I’d like to say that yeah, it really happened.)

Maybe I should start my own news channel. That’d be cool. It’ll be based on what I think you need to know irregardless of what the news really is. In exercising mind control techniques upon ya, we’ll be telling you what kind of food what you should eat, what kind of shoes to wear, how despicable you are for not updating your bathroom and what your overall morals should be. We’ll color that with stories about kittens chasing laser lights just to let ya know it’ll all be ok in the end. Now there’s a groundbreaking news show!

Jimmy

 

 

The Doors Revitalized

Robby Krieger. A Concert Review…..

Last night, Miss Ruth and I were sitting 30 feet from an icon. Rock and Roll Hall of Famer Robby Krieger kicked off his “Doors Greatest Hits” tour in Collingswood NJ. When you get the opportunity to see someone in the upper echelon of rock some 45 years after their pinnacle of fame, a part of you wonders will he still be able to bring it.

The answer here is a resounding yes! His guitar work last night ranged from fantastic to jaw dropping to mesmerizing. Ruth and I shared two major concerns prior to last night’s show. One, were they going to be able to replace the musical inventiveness of Ray Manzarek and two, were they going to be able to find a solid lead singer. We didn’t kid ourselves. A voice like Jim Morrison’s only comes around once in a lifetime so you can’t replace him. What they did, however, was very effective.

Robby’s son Waylon handled the lead vocals and instead of doing some sort of lame Morrison impression, he just used his own exceptional voice. And it totally worked. Nathan Wilmarth on the keyboards did a very solid job at channeling one of my musical heroes. The rest of the killer band, Phil Chen on bass (even though The Doors never had a bass player. Astonishingly, Manzarek handled the bass lines on the lower end of the keyboard) and Ty Dennis on drums, did the legend of The Doors proud. They opened with the unmistakable samba beat on “Break On Through to The Other Side” and rolled through a good portion of The Doors eclectic catalogue including almost half of the tracks from their seminal debut album, “The Doors” .

This was such a great approximation of one of rock’s greatest bands, I’m sure they were both looking down and as smiling almost big as Ruth and I were. For Ruth and I, the highlight of the evening was the final 3 songs of the show. “LA Woman”, “Soul Kitchen” and “Light My Fire”.  The energy and musicianship that was on display for those 3 songs was straight up amazing. Robby even threw a little Rogers and Hammerstein (“My Favorite Things”) into his extended solo in “Light My Fire”. Despite the absence of Ray (he passed 4 years ago) and Jim (he joined the Dead Poets Society in 1971), this was such a great approximation of one of rock’s greatest bands.

I’m sure they were both looking down and smiling.

Almost as big as Ruth and I were.

Chuck

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