They Called Him Flipper

I saw a story this morning about a wounded dolphin that was rescued and nursed back to health under high scrutiny by his/her handlers.  This is what humanity likes about itself insomuch as one dolphin can be saved while 5,000 are caught and die in fishing nets each year seeing as they’re suddenly denied the privilege of surfacing for air. What’s the term for that again? I think it’s called “collateral damage” where the dolphins are considered expendable for the sake of our seafood dining.

But I digress. The wounded dolphin was immediately dubbed “Flipper”. I for one think this reflects poorly on our species in as much as we can’t improve on the badly overused, stereotypical moniker already employed by the old TV show and the Miami Dolphins mascot.  I wonder what the actual wild, free-roaming porpoises think about this every time one is caught. (BTW-Are dolphins the same thing as porpoises?) Imagine this conversation:

Amy the Friendly Dolphin (halting her frolicking for a moment): “Omigod, This is a disaster! Gus just caught by the humans! What’re we gonna do?”

Stan the Dolphin: “Damn straight it’s a disaster. He owes me fifty bucks.  Well, I guess he’s ‘Flipper’ from now on.”

I’m writing this while semi-watching the Golden Globe awards wherein it seems that suddenly famous people who built their careers based on taking chances are so averse to doing so now. Just a thought, but Bill Murray, Dave Chapelle and Daniel Tosh r still out there folks. Whoa! Hold the proverbial phone here but not only one yet two award recipients (the second being Christian Bale) just got bleeped (was the first Ben Stiller?) in an unexpected development.  I was mostly expecting preachy, self-serving speeches (one so far) about various issues that I coulda made fun of but won’t cuz I’m admittedly starting to change my tune so as to fall in with our brainwashed Hollywood elite. (Being seen not applauding during a celebrity’s self-righteous, indignant speech can really bring trouble to the uncooperative actor.) Not falling for that trap, my friends!

Turning to another point, I’m getting a little sick of my local news channel suddenly interrupting your “regular programming” with “breaking news” that ultimately winds up being a big pile of nuthin’. I don’t mind waiting ’til five o’clock to hear this stuff, man.

If you haven’t already noticed this is a placeholder column until (proud to say our third writer) Kate’s music column is up and ready to go. On this site, anything goes. (Anybody a cartoonist? I’d love to have one man, even if other people think u stink.)

Stay tuned.

Jimmy

 

 

It’s All in the Delivery

I was scanning thru my 5 zillion TV channels recently when I noticed two things:

A) How fast the delivery of spoken lines was back in the twenties and thirties.  It was either sped up in editing or they really did speak their lines that quickly.  Here’s a reasonable approximation of when ya put lines on paper compared to the on-screen effect…

Joe: Thismugdoesntwannacooperate!Louie:He’sokJoe,just ask the boys.Darla:Don’thurt himJoe,hedoesntknowwhathe’stalkin’about.Joe:He’sstillamugIsay!Somebody’sgottatakecareofthisguysee?Andi’mjusttheguytodoit!Yeahthat’sright!I’lltakecareofhimrealgoodItellya!Idon’tcarewhatanydamesays!

Justtypingthatmuch, er sorry…Just typing that much sent my normally cognizant and cooperative spellcheck feature out of it’s mind. Nextly and thusly I’d like to point yer attention to art of naming movies and their enthusiastic promos.  Maybe I could be good at that. There’s been a long running trend where movie (or even TV shows) have been kept to five words or less so as to keep them quickly remembered as well as fitting onto posters hanging to your local theatre walls geared towards generating the interest and fascination of you, the viewing public.

Sooner or later (in our lifetime or not) Hollywood’s gonna run out of words about how to name and promote their latest shows and features.  Think I’m wrong?  This effect is already occurring with such improbable names as  “Bikini Bloodbath Car Wash”  (Hey!! I think I saw that one!!),  “Mars Needs Women”, “Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny”, “Ilsa: Nazi She-Wolf of the SS” (definitely saw that one) and “On Golden Pond”.

Then again maybe I’m jumping the gun here.  Let’s see what movie titles I can drum up with word anagrams using only the actual words in the aforementioned film names (allowing for pluralizing when necessary):

“Ice Cream Nazis on Mars!”

“Santa Needs Women!”

“The She-Wolf and the Bunny Bloodbath!”

“The SS Bikini Carwash Pond!”

Ok, Ok, this is a clearly stupid and futile exercise but are my movie names really any worse than the ones I was drawing from? Then again, maybe I didn’t see some great film monikers in there that other, more farsighted readers can provide. Please send ’em to me in the comments section if ya think u got a good one.

Jimmy