Woke up this morning to check the weather, rustle up some breakfast and generally get prepared for my day when I saw a news report wherein a guy in New Jersey was accommodating 21 snakes (most of ’em venomous) in his apartment. Being an apartment dweller myself this got me thinking…
I’m all for Americans having as much freedom as possible, but shouldn’t there be a limit as to where and how many deadly critters you can keep based on sensible domicile limitations? Maybe I’m overreacting here but I’m reasonably sure that I’d display more than a little concern to my neighbor knocking on my door at 4:00am stating that one of his cobras escaped and he’s pretty sure it’s hiding in my place somewhere. Consider the following conversation…
Neighbor (let’s call him Wally): “Hey Jim, sorry, I know it’s 3:30 in the morning but I was trying to feed a gerbil to my Egyptian cobra when, well wouldn’t ya know it, both of ’em managed to get away from me. If you see either one can you be a good sport and return ’em?”
Me: (still half awake) “#$%@*&!!! There’s a @*&%$ing cobra in my place?”
Wally: “See, I just knew you’d be an alarmist here. Provided you can find him, all you have to do is gently grab the snake by the tail and drag him back thru the hallway, you know, like Steve Irwin used to do and then Bingo! Problem solved! Make sure that you don’t make any sudden movements, though.”
Me: “Problem not solved! Steve Irwin’s dead! And how am I supposed to refrain from making any ‘sudden movements’ while I’m screaming like a panicked schoolgirl?”
Wally: “There you go again with the negative attitude. If you DO get bitten, all ya gotta do is call an ambulance and get yourself to the hospital within fifteen minutes and they’ll probably be able to save your leg. Look on the bright side, once he eats the gerbil he’ll be really calm and sedated. To make it up to ya, why don’t you come over for a barbeque at my place tomorrow?”
Me: “That’ll be cool. What’re we cooking? Unused gerbils”?
Wally: “No. Don’t be ridiculous. We’ll be having grilled snake excrement. Can’t eat it though. You just rub it all over yourself. It’s got wonderful medicinal qualities once you build up resistance to it.”
Next up, my daughter and I recently hadda similarly interesting exchange…
Kate: “Hey Dad! I want your guitar when u die!”
Me: “As much as I might look like it I’m not dying anytime soon, besides you don’t even know how to play the guitar. I’d rather leave it to somebody who does.”
Kate: “What difference does it make? You’ll be dead.”
This, my friends is my life. Don’t forget to hit on Kate’s wonderful piece called “Marrying Music to Art” and please do head on over to Mamemagazine.com for some entertaining music and inadvertent comedy like you’ve just read here.
‘Til next time. Thanks and God Bless. Ooh! Almost forgot. Here’s a video of a buncha Carolina high school girls high-steppin’ their way thru “The Belle of Belfast City” in a wonderfully choreographed number. Happy St. Paddies Day to ya and all the lyin’ little leprachauns in yer life. Love this video. (I think it’s the little yips the girls call out from time to time that gets me.) Incredibly entertaining and soothing to an old Celtic soul…